How not to market on television.

Okay. Here’s an entry on marketing – just for a change. A holiday from my holiday, you could say.

America is the home of the advert. No-one does it better.

However – and you knew there had to be an exception, somewhere – there is a restaurant chain here in San Antonio  that has blown its television advertising budget completely.

Their advert consists of a voice-over proclaiming “Living the American Dream!” (in a Latino accent) followed by a series of photographs of the heads of various men. Each of these photos has under it something along the lines of “Fredericksburg – Busboy 1997, Executive Manager 2007″.

Then, at the very end, a talking head appears and repeats the words, “Living the American Dream.” Although this has changed in the last week to, “Even in a recession, we’re living the American Dream.”

Awww, all warm and fuzzy yet?

It’s a crap ad.

I’ll tell you why.

I think they are a restaurant chain. All these bus boys must have bussed somewhere food-related, right?

I’m not sure what type of restaurant they are. Mexican, Tex-Mex, Texan Barbecue, Mongolian Barbecue, French Nouvelle Cuisine, Sushi? You tell me.

I don’t know where they are located. Other than the towns listed with the photos there is no geographic information given whatsoever.

I don’t know who they cater for. Families, young couples, older couples, students, aliens from the planet Og? Who?

I don’t know if I can afford them. Is this a low cost eatery or one for which I will require federal bailout funds?

I don’t know how to contact them. No address, no phone number, no website.

And most importantly…

I don’t know their name. No idea. At all. Really.

Admittedly a logo does appear at the end, next to the talking head.

Unfortunately, said logo is about the size of the Talking Head’s mouth and completely illegible.

This is a very sad waste of money.

I applaud the gesture behind the whole ‘living the American dream’ thing. I accept that they are probably a Latino restaurant, catering to Latino tastes and families and that they probably have a large established clientele and a fame that is spread by word of mouth.

A television commercial is a place to spread the word beyond an existing clientele, a place to let the wider world know you exist, who you are, what you do and where you do it. And how much you cost.

The way to grow your business through marketing is to spread the seeds of consumer interest beyond the fields you have already cultivated.

Don’t follow their example. Target your market audience and then tailor your message.

Ttfn,

S.

Earworms and jitterbugs

I have something embarrassing to tell you. I have worms – ear-worms, that is.

Ear worms are what linguists call those little snippets of tune that get stuck in your head and just won’t go away. I was once haunted by Missy Higgins’s Scar for an exceedingly long period.

Mind you, it did come out at the time I was going through the whole invalidity process at work, and the lyrics were all uncannily appropriate … but I digress.

My current ear worms, yes I have two of the little mongrels, are advertising jingles.

I’ll write that again slowly, just so the full impact and horror can sink in properly.

They are j-i-n-g-l-e-s.

There. I’ve said it. I feel so much better now.

My sole defence is that they are for brands of product not available on my home shores.

For the morbidly curious among you, the first is for Bumblebee Tuna and the second is for Dixie Cups.

For the rest of you: move along, nothing to see here.

Now I have searched for a video of the current Bumblebee ad on the web and come up with nada, however an older version may be found here.

The current version has a man in a bad 70s outfit wandering through homes, dancing in ocean waves and soaring outside the windows of skyscrapers, all the while strumming on an acoustic guitar and singing. It’s just so bloody catchy. I find myself singing it in the supermarket (dammit!).

If anyone knows where I can find a link to the current version, please let me know and I will post it um, post haste (?) … moving on …

I’ve found that the best tactic to follow when an ear-worm is becoming entrenched, is to start singing something else. Unfortunately my something else is usually the bloody Dixie Cups bloody advertising bloody jingle!

Excuse me while I take some deep breaths. Actually, why don’t you go off and watch it here.

Well? Tell me you’re not still hearing “Good morning!” and thinking that you’ve slipped through a tear in the fabric of space and time, plunging back to the 1950s and Doris Day etc.

Go on! I’m waiting.

Grr.

Not what you want to be piping up with in the aisles of the local Super-marche, now is it?

On the bright side, at least I’m not doing the dance.

Yet.

ttfn,

S.

The first rant – feral apostrophes

Well, here it is. My first blog rant – and on apostrophes.

According to a Colgate toothpaste commercial I saw on tv a few minutes ago:

“One in four Australian’s have tooth decay.”

Really? One in four Australian’s what … precisely?

Who signed off on this ad and do they still have a job?

What’s with the possessive apostrophe? And why was it accompanied by footage of a number of people in white lab coats?

Was the idea to give the impression that this mob was uber-intelligent and should therefore be taken seriously?

It didn’t work. Mostly because one doesn’t have to be a superbrain to know when an apostrophe is appropriate and when it is simply visual clutter.

In this case, it was somewhat like the zit that pops up in the dead centre of your nose an hour before a very important first date. That is, not terribly attractive and totally unnecessary.

It’s not that hard to use apostrophes. Really.

I’m serious.

I’ve set it out in very simple terms on my website; four pages in short words and really big type, starting with this one: Apostrophes 101

It’s not something that (supposedly) highly-intelligent people dressed in white coats should get wrong – especially if they want me to buy their stuff. Makes you wonder if their chemical formulae are written out properly and what the resultant toothpaste will actually do!

Good grief.

Time for some deep breathing before other people in white coats show up methinks…

ttfn

S.